Relationships, or: why being alone can be the greatest thing ever

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 37 seconds

So you know how they say: "when you don't know what to write about, just start typing and don't stop." Fair enough. That's what I'll do. (Note: this whole post was written in one setting, without review or anything like that. Just words as they kept coming)

Well, today's the day of my birthday celebration. I've got plenty of friends coming, both old and new. However, I feel like these not nearly as many or as good friends as on last year's party. I may be wrong, but man, buildig a social circle is tough when you work full-time or more. 

Building a social circle vs. working full-time

Let's first back up. Rewind one year. I'm in the final push of my studies, writing my bachelor's thesis. Aside of that, I just finished leading a students' organization with roughly 100 students. Moreover, I'm playing Lacrosse in the biggest Lacrosse club of Germany, with more than 100 men and women each being members. Aside of that, I work part-time at Flixbus, which has a tremendous intern turnover, thus always bringing in new contacts. Needless to saya, getting to know people was the easiest thing in the world. 

Then, in November, I moved to Frankfurt. Wherever I had gone before, getting to know people was easy. I'm an extrovert, I'm not afraid of chatting up people and doing crazy stuff. Here, however, it was a different game. I joined a start-up. Those of you who have worked in really small startups before, know exactly that free time isn't exactly part of your daily schedule. It's hard work, but it's well worth it. The only thing is - you spend a shitton of time with very few, awesome people. 

I also joined the local Lacrosse team and chatted up some old friends from school living in the area. I started swiping on Tinder. And all the sudden I had a pretty decent network - but compared to what I had in Munich, it was still tiny. Of course, time makes everything better, but this was a different situation. Something happened to me that had never happened to me before: it was Saturday night, I wanted to go out but nobody else I knew wanted to. Going out alone? No fucking way. At least not if I don't have a favorite place. The clubs in Frankfurt are tailored towards bankers and consultants, which aren't exactly the type of people I usually hang out with. So I stayed at home and felt lonely. 

I felt miserable. Alone in the world. All my other friends are scattered across the globe - nobody was in Frankfurt. That feeling was scary. Because I had never had it before. And then I slowly began to realize ... 

Alone

All the time I had constantly surrounded myself with people, I was running away from myself. Running away from my fears, my insecurities, my true self. It's hard to think about yourself when you always have your friends around you. And yet, the time that you spend alone is the time of personal growth. So laying in bed and thinking, I decided to spend some more time alone. 

Fast forward to June 2017. I'm traveling the Dominican Republic, and I'm completely on my own. No travel companions. No friends that I was visiting. Just me against the world. I went to the beach alone, had lunch alone, spent some time on my own reading and then had dinner without anybody else to talk to. Sounds miserable? You'd think that. But instead, it was FUCKING AWESOME. I was able to think the thoughts that I wanted (or didn't want, but had to) think. To read the books I've always wanted to read. To do whatever the fuck I wanted to, even if that meant going to bed at 9pm on a Saturday night. Nobody was there to say, "duude it's Saturday, we gotta go out". And that was totally fine. 

A wise man once said "success means that you're able to sit somewhere alone not doing anything for 30 minutes". (Seriously, I just cannot find the person who said that. But I pondered that quote a lot). In June, I got a lot closer to that "success". Being alone is not about being abandoned, about being left out by your friends. No, it's what you make of it. So depending on the way you look at things, it can either be miserable or beautiful. I choose the latter. 

Being alone has many perks. For instance, I would never get my writing done if I was constantly with people. I wouldn't be able to think real deep thoughts with people around me. And I wouldn't be able to let emotions flow freely with other people around me (although that's more of a me thing, as I tend to not either have or show emotions). 

Back to Frankfurt. I moved in with two of my colleagues from the company. Now, we're more than a married couple. A married couple sees each other every day in the morning and at night, and on weekends. We spend 24/7 within 10 meters of each other. And when I say 24/7, I mean twenty-four fucking seven. Instead of going out to meet new people, we just spend time with each other. The conversations never get boring. We'll call each other when we haven't seen each other in a couple days. 

My network is totally okay. I've met plenty of awesome people here, yet it's still nowhere near the size of my Munich network. And that's totally okay. Because in the end, it's not about the quantity of the people in your life - it's about the quality of the relationships. That's something I by no means can complain about. Not even a bit. 

Relationships

I've also realized that it doesn't matter where in this world your friends are or how often you see them. Whenever we see each other, it's just like it's always been - despite not having met in more than a year. On my birthday, I received so many messages that came from the heart (and a lot that came from the Facebook reminder). I was full of thankfulness for all these awesome people in my life, all over the world. For the guys I'm living and working with, for all my boys and girls in Frankfurt, in Germany, Europe, USA, all over the world. My readers, too, as the blog has started to grow that people that I don't even know are reading it (if you're one of them - holy shit, you're fucking awesome!). 

It's about the quality of your relationships. Screw quantity. Because if you're really passionate about maintaining great relationships with people, the quantity will come automatically - or it just won't matter. Either way, you'll be happy. And then, being alone at times is totally okay. 

But now ... it's not the time to be alone. It's time to hit the supermarket to get a ton of beers. It's time to party. Maybe even building some new, great relationships. 

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Cutlery, or: Challenge Your Assumptions

Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 53 seconds

Frankfurt Airport, roughly two weeks ago. We're waiting for our flight to Rome. As we are trying to board, everything halts and we are ushered back into the terminal. A thunderstorm is coming up and holy shit, it's huge. No departure for us - yet. Out of boredom, I ask my boy Matthias to "name a topic". What do you mean, name a topic? 

"Dude, just name a topic. Anything, really." 
"OK bro. Cutlery. Why do you need that?" 
"That's the next blogpost that's coming out."

I am convinced that you can put an interesting spin on literally any topic if you're a good writer. Hence, I wanted to hone my craft doing just that. So cutlery it is. Fuck. What can you write about that? Something that's not totally boring? I don't know, man ...

Until I realized that cutlery actually is fucking awesome. Or, more specifically, the topic in itself is awesome. Let me show you why. 

Cutlery

Why do we use cutlery? I've hypothesized about different things and done some research, but I am really not convinced. Doesn't it make much more sense to eat with your hands? Upon closer investigation, you don't need cutlery to eat any dish, really. A thick steak might be hard to eat, but your teeth should be a lot stronger than the average knife. We eat burgers, fries and pizza with our hands, so why not pasta, soup and salad too? Other cultures do this as well - in India and Ethiopia it is very common to eat your food with hands, and I've heard (no citeable source though) that in Ghana, people eat soup with their hands. The purpose of making eating possible therefore is not a valid reason to use cutlery. 

In fact, cutlery hasn't been around for that long. While knives that are used to prepare food have been around for ages, forks, spoons, sporfs and whatnot (somebody on Wikipedia actually took the time to put together a list of all cutlery, which raises two questions: holy shit what do you need all this for, and is there really not a higher impact that can be generated with your time than putting together a list of fucking cutlery?) have first been mentioned in the 13th century. There, the term of the profession "cutler" first appeared in a tax declaration (quick aside here: this then is also what ex-Bears QB Jay Cutler's ancestors did for a living - guess that skill doesn't translate to football). Considering all human evolution (or at least the time homo sapiens has been around), we've basically not used cutlery at all; especially because back in the day, cutlery was reserved for the filthy wealthy. Hence, there is absolutely no reason to use cutlery, because our nutrition hasn't changed that much in the past couple hundred years. 

Let's look at another factor: hygiene. One could argue that eating with your hands you do all other kinds of funky stuff with isn't exactly hygienic. Therefore, we use cutlery. However, we're taught to wash our hands before eating. This certainly makes sense, but why wash hands if we use cutlery anyway? I believe that washing hands before eating is actually a leftover from the times when we were still eating with our hands. KInd of a strange thought, isn't it? 

Now, the usage of cutlery has become cultural etiquette by now and there are even two-day seminars on which fork and which knife to use for which course. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you create a market for your product - by establishing social norms that serve no visible purpose. This notion, however, is starting to change as reported by the NY Times. Some argue that eating with your hands is more natural and gives you a more intense eating experience; other say that it's good for the body to go back to your wild, stone age self. 

Challenge Your Assumptions

Whatever it is - the point here isn't whether we should use cutlery or not. This decision is up to your discretion. The point here is that we walk through our lives with countless assumptions that are never even attempted to be challenged. We use cutlery because we've always done it this way. Why? No fucking clue. This is the same in all areas of our society. I mostly observe it in our own lives and in business. 

Many companies do things a certain way because "they've always been done this way." While it certainly made sense at one point in time to do things "this way", it doesn't necessarily make sense to do it anymore. Challenge your company culture. Challenge the status quo. We at our company Linguedo do exactly that. Go to a villa in Southern France for two weeks with the whole team to work from there? Sounds crazy and a little bit weird, right? But then again, why the fuck not? We create our own reality, we create our own world. And so can you.

You're the master of your world. You're the creator of your reality. You can do things the way YOU want to do them - who says it has to be different? If that means to be weird, that's totally okay. Let the others talk. Most of the time, they'll be busy worrying about themselves anyway. Take charge of your life and challenge your assumptions about the status quo. They might turn out to be total nonsense.

And then, by all means, feel free to get yourself a nice plate of food and dig in with your hands. Who says you can't?


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Commitment: Why You Should Never Click The Maybe Button

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 7 seconds

"Don't be a maybe" - every Marlboro commercial not so long ago

Cigarettes are shit. There is not a single good thing about them. They're expensive, they make you smell like an ashtray, heavily impact your athletic ability and worst of all, they kill you. To a rational mind, there is absolutely no fucking point in smoking a cigarette. Want a high? Go lift some weights. Flirt with a beautiful woman. Play an instrument.  But don't ruin your body and your wallet for the sake of being cool, getting a buzz or getting to know people - there are plenty of other ways to do that. 

That being said, I'm a big fan of cigarette commercials. More specifically, of the Marlboro commercials a while ago. Their line was "Don't be a maybe". And while they were referring to the feeling of freedom that you apparently get when you smoke, I like the overall message. You really shouldn't be a maybe. As a matter of fact, the word "maybe" should not even exist in your vocabulary. But in order to elaborate that, let me back up a little bit. 

It's summer in Frankfurt, and my birthday is coming up. Knowing me, it's not very surprising that I may or may not be throwing a rad house party (for the sake of this post, let's just assume there will be one). From my professional endeavours, I know that it's very important to plan properly a few weeks before the deadline at the very latest. As soon as you start going into firefighting mode, productivity is diminished and costs skyrocket. That's not where you wanna be. So I'm sitting here, thinking about all sorts of stuff - how much beer will we need, how many red cups do I still need to order, is our apartment actually going to be big enough to hold all the people? You know, the big questions of life. In order to get any idea how many people will be attending, I take a look at the Facebook event. What does it say?

Some people are going. Some haven't seen it yet. Some can't make it due to some legit or shady excuse - either way, I know what's up. And where is the majority? 

FUCKING. MAYBE. 

What do you mean, maybe? You might be able to make it? You just don't know yet? The event is in two days but you're not sure? To quote my Canadian lacrosse coach: "FUCK." Do you not have control over your life? Are you not able to distinguish for yourself what's important and what's not? Are you simply a playing ball of fate? I don't think so. If you were, you probably wouldn't be reading this blog. If you are, welcome to the good side of life!

It's really not hard to make or not make the commitment. In fact, it's a binary decision. Zero or one. Yes or no. There is no alternative. Either you'll be there or you won't. Sounds easy, right?

Nowadays, we live in a society where it's easy to stay uncommitted. Which makes sense, too - after all, there are a million options there. Sure, you could go to this party or that party, go to Madrid or to London, attend a lacrosse tournament or go hiking. That all sounds nice and could potentially be really awesome. It's cool to be able to do so many things. Yet in the end, without making a commitment to anything, you're falling into two traps: the paradox of choice and missing out on anticipation. 

The Paradox of Choice

"But Dom, you've been writing about that shit over and over again..." Yes, I know. I'm very aware of that, actually. I'm also not the only one - there have been plenty of scientists and authors going on and on about that topic. Here's a refresher: the more options you have, the harder it is to make a decision. The harder a decision is to make, the less likely you're going to make it. And that's how you end up not doing anything on a weekend night with thousands of options - you're simply paralyzed by the amount of information you have to process. There is only one way to get out of the paradox of choice: making a commitment. Making one decision and then sticking with it. This also includes not asking "What if?", because that question will leave you circling back and forth around that decision. 

Treat the decision as one that lies in your past and that you cannot influence. Thinking about it this way frees up a lot of mental capacity, giving you a chance to actually make some really important decision, such as "what do I want to do with my life?". 

Anticipation

Studies have shown that doing cool things makes people happy. Pretty groundbreaking, I'd say. What's more interesting: anticipation of doing these cool things makes people even happier than actually doing them. Looking forward to something is one of the most amazing things that we can do. 

I've never understood why my parents would book their vacation one year in advance. Holy shit. Who plans that far? I certainly don't. I just thought my parents were planning freaks who cannot deal with going into the unknown. But I've changed my mind: while they still may be obsessed with planning things, one thing that's even more important to them is anticipation. They love looking forward to traveling somewhere, and they also look forward to doing all these cool things that they will be doing (because they've already planned them and booked them - or, committed to them). 

Man, I'm so pumped about having that party. It's 4 weeks away. I'm also incredibly pumped about going to Thailand in November. That's gonna be so cool. And just thinking about these things makes me smile. The future holds bright things. Yet, before actually booking these flights or setting up that party, I wasn't pumped at all - it was a drag. Where should I go? Whom should I invite? Rough decisions, and after making them, I felt very relieved. And happy. 

Commitment makes you happy. And the best thing: it doesn't make just you happy, but everybody else around you too. 

Non-Commitment is a punch in the face

Yes, you've read that right. Saying "maybe" is the same as "I really don't know if you're cool enough for me, but maybe if all the other options suck, I'll spend some time with you". Would you ever say that to a friend? To a teammate? To a family member? I highly doubt it. Because it'd be highly offensive, and rightly so. 

Imagine the coolest activity you could possibly ever do. For me, one of these activities would for instance be having a few beers with my favorite author and idol, Tim Ferriss. If I had the chance to meet Tim, would I say "yeahhhh maybe I'll go?" Fuck no. I'd be all over that opportunity in an instant. I highly value this dude, therefore I am able to make a commitment. Is it the same for something that I don't really wanna do? No. And then I should have the balls to say "no, I'm not going to do that" instead of "yeah maybe I'll do that" and then backing out last minute with a "sorry I can't make it, I have other priorities". Stay firm, stay strong and say the things the way they are. 

I'm not particularly great at this, either. I sometimes back out of lacrosse practice last minute because I didn't control my day properly, got caught up in some stupid shit and then other parts of my life had to suffer. It happens to all of us. But being aware of it is the first step in the right direction. So, the next time you tell yourself that you might want to go, ask yourself plain and hard: is this what I really want? If the answer is no, say that you're not going to go or do it. And if the answer is yes, go ahead and make a commitment. It's a great feeling to have. 

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700,000 Hours: The Only Thing We Have

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 45 seconds

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700,000 hours - what are you gonna do with them?

Let's do some math. 80 * 365 * 24 = 700,800. Cool - anyone can do that. Thanks for reading!

Or wait. What did we just calculate there? I was wondering how many hours my life would actually last. Assuming I'll live until I am 80 (which considering my current lifestyle isn't necessarily a given), there is a total of 700,000 hours in my life - 210,000 of which I've spent already. Is that a lot? I have no idea. I simply cannot relate to such a large number in the context of hours. There's only one thing I know: once the current hour is gone, it'll never come back. Ever. 

Time is our most valuable resource, nevertheless we disrespect it in an almost frivolous manner. How often does the day just pass by without really having achieved anything? To me, that happens a lot. Tic Tac. Another day gone. And while we tend to think we have plenty more of them, they'll pass by sooner than we can even fathom. 

Idleness

Fairly easy to stay idle here though ...

This post was inspired by the idleness I've observed here in the Dominican Republic. Monday, around 11 am. I'm walking down to the beach and there are people sitting everywhere. Hey - it's awesome that you can do that, but ... is this really where you want to be? I've talked to plenty of these people just hanging around and if they were happy where they currently are. 100% of them said no (sample size 12). That made me think - you're telling me you're not happy in your current situation, yet you're just sitting around doing nothing? Something's wrong here. And I'd like to find out what it is. 

We all know the old adage: "time is money", or in more mathematical terms, "time equals money". Following that logic, it'd be perfectly rational to put the exact same value on both time and money. Therefore, if we value one hour of our time at 50 €, then it'd be perfectly rational to flush at least 100 € down the toilet every day. Would you ever do that? I highly doubt it (unless you're some filthy rich masochist, but then it'd be better invested just giving it to me). However, we all do this every day: check some Facebook here, some Instagram there, wait for the bus for 15 minutes, sitting around idle because we don't know what to do with ourselves. In my opinion, that is borderline criminal. The same is true for the people in the Dominican Republic: in the previous logic, they're constantly throwing money into the Atlantic Ocean. And that just cannot happen. 

"But Dominik, I have a job, I do sports, I live a great life, I'm not one of them." Right. And you never "have time" (aside: this phrase is my personal arch enemy). That's okay if you're happy with what you're doing, because you've got your prioties straight. Most of us however haven't. "I'd like to read more", "I'd like to speak another language", "I really want to spend more time with my girlfriend". Cool - so why don't you do it? "But .. when?" 

Glad you asked. 

I'd like to present a few activities that you can leverage and techniques that will help you free up more time for the things that really matter to you. I'm also most focusing on the things happening outside of your professional life (although some of the below points can also be applied to life inside the office). Let's get into them:

5 ways to get more out of your time

1. Leverage your commute

As normal human beings in our society, chances are that we're not working from home but instead have to go to our job or our university. For instance, it takes me around 15 minutes to get from my home to the office. Now, there are several ways that I could get there. I could either take a bus or use my bicycle. The former is convenient, but the latter is a lot faster and allows me to work on my cardio every day - something that I normally do when absolutely necessary (I prefer lifting weights) and probably would not make time for outside of it. While commuting (I have a route without a lot of traffic), I listen to audiobooks or podcasts. 15 minutes isn't a lot of time though - or is it? Here are some number acrobatics: 15 minutes * 2 (because I also have to go back home) * 5 (5 workdays a week) * 4 (4 weeks in a month) = 10 hours of time spent commuting every month. 

To put this into relation: this is the time it roughly takes to listen to two average audiobooks on 1.25 listening speed. In other words: I get to read two books every month and have amazing cardio simply due to leveraging my commute. This adds up to an additional 24 books a year - on top of the time that I dedicate to reading anyway. That's a ton of books, more than I've probably read during my studies. Just imagine what you could do with all that information. It'd be insane. If you want to start doing that, podcasts on Spotify and an Audible subscription are good places to start. The apps are incredibly easy to use and in no time, you'll be listening to a lot of cool shit.

Because I really want to hammer this point home, do the same equation again but this time, you have a 60 minute one-way commute. This adds up to 40 hours every month - or, roughly, 11.3 % of your awake time (assuming you sleep 8 hours every day). Shit. That's A LOT of time - and it'll be gone forever. You better use it. 

Personally, I always tend to pay a premium for location. A long commute to work simply isn't worth paying $200 less in rent every month, as I just demonstrated. So if you're stuck in a situation like that, you might wanna think long and hard about moving closer to your workplace. 

2. Leverage other activities

In order to not let this go unmentioned, you can apply this principle to any activity that does not require your full attention. I like to call my parents and grandparents while I'm cleaning or washing dishes, for instance. Household activities are things that I absolutely despise, but by calling the family, they become a lot more enjoyable. Grandma is happy and so are the flatmates. Same goes for the gym: you have plenty of time between sets (if you train like me at least), so listening to a podcast while working out works pretty well. 

3. Outsource things that you dislike doing or aren't very good at 

Speaking of household activities, we really need to get a cleaning lady. Why? Back to "time equals money". I value my time at around 50 € per hour (if you want to get into the nitty-gritty economics with perfect substitution and all that, feel free to message me). Therefore, if it takes me two hours to clean the apartment and I can get the job done for less than $100, I shouldn't do it myself. I can get a cleaning lady for this purpose for around 40 € in Germany (not to mention that she probably does a lot better job than I do. Just ask my flatmates.). Why should I do it myself? I don't enjoy it, and it's not worth my time. Therefore, the only rational solution is to outsource it. 
Side note: This, of course, changes a lot if you enjoy cleaning. Then, it's absolutely worth your time! 

4. Eliminate time consumers

Breaking news: social networks eat up a lot of time. Nowadays, I believe we're all aware of this - but we don't act upon it (myself included). I still spend plenty of time every day looking at my Instagram feed, checking Facebook and WhatsApp messages and whatnot. Now that my phone has been stolen, I don't feel the urge to do that at all - I'm really not missing anything (or have you ever felt like you REALLY REALLY had to check Instagram?). Now, the easiest way out would be to simply not have an account there; which is easy to say, but hard to impossible to actually put into practice. Facebook has been a blessing in managing my whole network, and I wouldn't wanna miss it for the world. 

You can, however, eliminate the most time-consuming part of it: the newsfeed. There is an amazing browser extension called "Facebook Newsfeed Eradicator", which simply blocks your newsfeed and instead gives you a smart quote from somebody. I regularly catch myself going to facebook.com, just to realize that there's nothing going on there. I highly recommend installing it. On the phone, just use the messenger app; not the Facebook app. The same is true for Instagram and others: switch off the notifications and all the sudden, you won't even know what to do with all your time anymore. 

5. Stop binge watching Netflix

"But I love Game of Thrones!" Absolutely - and that's awesome! The beauty and ugliness of TV series is that it's just so easy to watch another one; it's so smooth and shallowly rewarding. And all the sudden, you've spent 6 hours in front of the TV without actually having achieved anything. I personally don't watch TV series (when I tell people about that, sometimes they tend to look at me like I just told them that I'm Amish and have never used a car before), because I prefer to do other activities that I find more rewarding. This is completely up to you - but I want you to be aware of how big of a time sink Netflix and TV is. 

A note on idleness: one question that certainly came up while reading this post was - isn't it good to sit back and relax every now and then? Yes. It isn't just good, but it's absolutely necessary. And I'm not very good at it, as many of you know. However, I believe that you'll know when you have to take that time. After a long workday, I sometimes cherish the ride home without having any input, or sitting on the roof doing nothing for 30 minutes. It's part of human life and we should not forget to take our downtime every now and then. What's important to me is to consciously take that downtime - and not just "letting it happen to you". As I've stated previously, control over our lives is one key factor of happiness - and that also includes controlling your idle and non-idle time. 

Side note: I hesitated publishing this post for a while because I started thinking more and more about the topic of conscious idleness. To me, one metric to tell if someone is successful is if they can spend 30 minutes just doing nothing. That's a pretty amazing feat - one that I haven't accomplished yet. Idleness has its time and place. But it shouldn't be the activity that takes up a huge chunk of your time. Maybe I will look at this completely differently one year from now - I don't know. As of right now, that's my point of view and I'd love your thoughts on it. 

Closing

During the past couple of years, I've gotten the feedback every now and then that I'm very mature and reflected for my age. That makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and it'd be easy for me to say that I'm just super awesome and mature and everything. However, I don't think that that's my personality - it simply is the result of good habits, and especially of reading a lot. Reading is one of the things that I the most on a regular basis, and it has greatly expanded my view on the world as well as on myself. Just think about it: an author (presumably) only writes about things that he has understood at a transcendent level; therefore, he probably put in 10,000+ hours of his time into that topic (or 1.428% of his total time alive). When you read his or her book, you can acquire that knowledge (to a certain degree, of course), within 5-10 hours. That's very accelerated learning and one reason why the invention of printing has advanved our society so far. Use reading as a mean to leverage your time in order to acquire great deals of knowledge and perspectives. It won't hurt you, but instead turn you into a well-rounded human being. Chances are that if you're reading this blog, you're already on a good way - keep going! 

Am I holier than thou? Absolutely fucking not. Like most humans, I'm notoriously bad at taking my own advice and spend plenty of time pondering about irrelevant decisions, sending stupid snapchats to my friends and doing things that I really shouldn't be doing. I have plenty of room for improvement. 

Yet in the end, it comes down to what we want to achieve with our 700,000 hours. And I certainly don't want to be the guy whose tombstone says: "he lived a great life, filled with social media, doing unenjoyable things and spending more than 10% of his awake time going somewhere". Do you?

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Discipline Equals Freedom

Tattoos have always fascinated me. But getting one myself? Never. Because in the end, you're stuck with whatever stupid shit you were so convinced about in your youth. To me, in order to have a tattoo, you'd first have to find something so true, so unchangeable, that you want to have it with you for the rest of your life. But recently, I am starting to become more and more convinced that I might have found such a life-defining phrase that will always hold true. It reads: Discipline equals freedom. 

Some of you may recognize this phrase. I haven't coined it myself, but it is straight up taken from a former Navy Seal Commander named Jocko Willink (listen to the interview with him here - can definitely recommend). However, I would like to add my own thoughts to this short phrase - because in my opinion, it holds a very important truth for living a happy life. First of all, let's get a short summary taken from Tim Ferriss' Book "Tools of Titans" (emphasis mine):

I interpret this to mean, among other things, that you can use positive constraints to increase perceived free will and results. Freeform days might seem idyllic, but they are paralyzing due to continual paradox of choice (e.g., “What should I do now?”) and decision fatigue (e.g., “What should I have for breakfast?”). In contrast, something as simple as pre-scheduled workouts acts as scaffolding around which you can more effectively plan and execute your day. This gives you a greater sense of agency and feeling of freedom. Jocko adds, “It also means that if you want freedom in life—be that financial freedom, more free time, or even freedom from sickness and poor health—you can only achieve these things through discipline.”

I've written plentiful about the paradox of choice and decision fatigue (on which you can read up here). The inspiration for this post comes from a very real situation: I've been traveling for the past two weeks in the Dominican Republic and due to not having any plans, but simply living the day as it comes, I've felt very tired at times. Tired of making decisions. Tired, because I couldn't even get the most basic things in (such as exercise, 5-Minute-Journal and meditation). Despite the fact that these only take a combined 15-20 minutes - so there should be plenty of time in a day where you technically have "nothing" to do. Why is that? I didn't plan for it. I didn't have the discipline to do it every day, and that caused me lots of time "wasted" by thinking about what to do next. Everything was optional all the sudden, and that is very hard to stomach for a person like me. 

As I may or may not have mentioned before, I am a person that highly relies on its routines (to a degree that it drives other people crazy). I do that for precisely the aforementioned reasons, and have been doing it for a very long time. It has been part of my education. My father is probably the most disciplined person that I know: gets up every day at 6 AM, has the same breakfast, workout at noon, lunch at 1, double espresso at 1:30, dinner at 7, bed at midnight. Every single day - even on the weekends. I don't know if you're reading this, dad, but if you do - it's absolutely fascinating and I admire you for being so incredibly disciplined. By more or less adjusting to these routines, I've always had great freedom of choice what I want to do - because I had the energy to consciously make these choices. 

This phenomenon also explains something that I've never really had a solid explanation for. In Germany, every young man at the age of 18 or 19 (depending on when you graduated from school) used to be required to do military service. Alternatively, you also had the option to do civil service, such as working in a retirement home, school or social service. A third alternative was to simply be exempt from the service by having health conditions, overweight, vision problems or drug consumption - the latter has been used fairly often. Now, when it would have been my turn to serve in the military, the German government had just abolished it. Everybody around me was happy - one more year to go to university, dabble around while doing work & travel in Australia or doing some social work for a year. And I - I was pissed. I wanted to go to the military. I didn't want to be a soldier, but I wanted to make the experience - and to a degree still do to this day. I'm by no means a warmonger, nor do I have a particular interest in weapons or killing people. What fascinated me was the ultimate discipline that you're taught in the military. I believe that this is something everybody should go through at some point, despite the fact that some of the routines are definitely pointless from a rational point of view. The key is to acquire discipline - and that was something I wanted to learn more and more. 

The urge to acquire this discipline stems from a time earlier in my life, when I was living in the United States. Before going there, I was a below-average athlete. I'd get bad grades in physical education classes, couldn't throw a ball properly, was fairly chubby and so on. By the time I got back, I was an above-average athlete, and I've been getting more athletic ever since. This is something I'm proud of, and something I was able to achieve through discipline. When I started playing Lacrosse in high school, we'd meet up every single day after school to do sprint training or weightlifting for 60 to 90 minutes. It was tough, man. Especially because our conditioning coach was a US Marine on vacation. I loved and hated every minute of it, but it did do two things: transform me into a great athlete and lay the base layer for all the routines that I have now. The routines that allow me to seize control over my life. 

Control Is Key

In his book "So Good That They Can't Ignore You", Cal Newport states that the "passion hypothesis" is simply wrong. The passion hypothesis? This hypothesis is the old mantra that "one should do what he or she is passionate about." However, when you ask most people what they're passionate about, the answers you will get are "traveling", "1. FC Köln", "reading" or "doing good in the world". How many of these people actually work in a field related to these fields? Barely any of them, and yet most of them are very content with what they do. Clearly, there must be something else that creates happiness in work. This something is what I like to call "control": the ability to determine what you do in your job. This ability does not just include the fact that you are free do to whatever you want to do, but also that you have the prerequisites, the abilities necessary to actually do it. For example, in my current job, I could create the greatest language course content ever - I just do not have the ability to do that and therefore, working on this matter makes me unhappy as I cannot control what I'm doing. On the other hand, when I'm working with my colleagues on solving productivity problems, I feel 100% in control and am super happy. 

Control is important. Now, how do you get it? Cal Newport argues that you first have to build up "career capital" in order to achieve control about your job. "Career capital" is defined as a rare and valuable asset that you have acquired over time. In my case, for instance, it's the ability to understand other people's problems and to find a solution by thinking outside the box and using my programming skills. But career capital doesn't come out of nowhere, it doesn't come from attending a two-day seminar (although I've been told that the Tony Robbins seminars might be a different case here - would love to try that some time). Career capital comes from deliberate practice: constantly challenging yourself, constantly facing the things that you aren't good at yet. And deliberate practice has one very important ingredient: discipline. 

"In order to be great, you have to practice the basics consistently well."

Deliberate practice also relates to another mantra of mine: "in order to be great, you have to practice the basics consistently well". In Lacrosse, you have to hit the gym and the wall often and regularly to become a better player - no need for acquiring fancy tricks, but (at least in Germany) having great stick skills and athletic ability goes a long way. In language learning, you don't need to understand the most complicated grammatical concepts - however, you should be VERY familiar with the important vocabulary, sentence structure and your ability to learn from mistakes. In nutrition, doing one week of green smoothies doesn't really get you anywhere when you normally eat what I'm eating right now (I just had two Krispy Kreme donuts and will definitely have a double cheeseburger with fries for lunch - I'm sitting in a civilized western enclave in the middle of the chaos that Santo Domingo is). And finally, doing a two day meditation retreat will not make your mind stronger in the long term - but doing it every day for ten minutes certainly will. 

All of this requires discipline. Sometimes it's raining and you'd much rather stay at home than going to the wall. Sometimes, you're hungover and really don't wanna learn vocabulary. Sometimes, that donut just looks to appealing. But with discipline, you will be able to push through - the reward will well be worth it. 

We've learned that discipline allows for two things: greater control of your day by minimizing decisions, and greater control of your life due to building of career capital. This allows us to create the first part of a not so mathematical equation: discipline = control. We've also learned that if you have control over what you do, it gives you the freedom to decide what you do. Therefore: control = freedom. Applying the law of transitivity, we then come to the conclusion that indeed discipline = freedom. 

Discipline leads to a healther, happier and healthier life. This is why it should be part of all our lives. And this is why I would like to constantly remind myself of it. A tattoo would be a great way to do just that. 

This post was written in the Krispy Kreme store of the Agora mall in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. 

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram: @dominiknitsch
Thoughts? Let me know either here or through my e-mail: dominikn93@gmail.com

Morning Routines: Start Your Day Right

As a short intro, I'd like to apologize for not posting anything in roughly three months. During that time, I've been working on my Bachelor's thesis getting the "official" part of my life straight. Since that involves a lot of writing, I lacked motivation to write even more in my time off. You might also notice that this post contains slightly scientific phrases - that's what writing a thesis does to you. I am almost finished with the thesis now and figured that waiting for the doctor in Vancouver and riding on public transport for roughly 3 hours to pick up my beloved leather jacket that I have forgotten would be a good opportunity to blog again. Without further ado - read on:

not every morning starts like this .. but it could be just as magical!

"7 am, waking up in the morning;
gotta get fresh, gotta go downstairs;
gotta get cereal;
seeing everything, the time is running;
everybody's rushing to the bus stop."

Sorry. I may just have given you a song that's now stuck in your head. For those who aren't aware - this is Rebecca Black with "Friday". Yeah, that 13-year old girl. Why would I do that to you? Certainly not because of her musical prowess. No, because the first passage of the lyrics is about something that we all have - routines. 

What do you do every morning? I assume it is somewhat similar to the lines above. And I assume it is the same every day. This is what this post is about - morning routines, or the way we start every single day of our lives. We all have one. Rebecca Black has one. Successful people have one. I also have a very particular one. But in order to understand exactly how and why morning routines are so effective, let us first take a look at two things: routines in general and the prerequisites we need to be the most effective person that we can be.

Routines

Routine: "a habitual or mechanical performance of an established procedure."

A routine can last for 30 seconds or two hours. It is anything that you do on a regular basis in a very particular way. Brushing our teeth is a good example - it is something that we (hopefully) do at least twice a day and is so deeply anchored in ourselves that we sometimes catch ourselves wondering if we've actually brushed our teeth five minutes after doing so. We are so used to it that we stop thinking. That, dear readers, is the power of routines - switching off the mind. 

Two of the most important finite tangible resources that we have are time and decision energy. I've already covered the topic of time allocation in a different post, so I will focus on the second of the two: decision energy. 

We all make decisions every day. While a few decisions are indeed important (as in, which job should I take), most of them are mundane. What should I wear? Should I get a Latte or a plain coffee? What should I eat for dinner? Should I skip class? 

To be honest: does any of that really matter? Yet we spend lots of time thinking about those questions, and I am no exception. I've stood in front of my wardrobe several times for 20 minutes, pondering if that grey shirt goes well with the light blue jeans or if I should rather go for the black one. Oh, and which shoes? The orange ones? The white ones? What an exhausting process. 

I've always thought that Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg simply are eccentric oddballs, who wear the same clothes every day. But after going through aforementioned struggle a few times, I understood that it actually makes sense to always wear the same items (not exactly the SAME - that'd be smelly, but you get the point). After all, it is a decision that you do not have to make every day - and those guys are professionals at it: making decisions is their job. Quite counter-intuitive, isn't it? 

That's where "decision energy" comes into play. We only have a certain amount of decision energy every day. Every decision that we make reduces this amount by a bit. For illustration purposes, say we have 100 units of decision energy daily that we can spend arbitrarily. Moreover, the more decision energy that we allocate to a decision, the "better" it will be.

Note: This, of course, is a very simplifying model. Decision making is a science that hundreds of books have been written on. If you are new to the field and would like an easy read, I would recommend to you the book "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell, in which he talks about snap decisions and how they can actually improve our lives.

Now say you make 25 decisions a day. This allows you to allocate on average four units of decision energy to each decision, causing most of your decisions to be mediocre rather than great. You might not notice it, as most of those decisions are mundane anyway, but every now and then a decision will pop up that will require more energy. In another case, you spend a lot more decision energy on the first decisions of the day - which then leads to decision fatigue later.

Supermarkets capitalize on this human flaw. After a long shopping trip comparing prices, deciding between products and figuring if we really need this, we yearn for checking out, having depleted our energy. This is why candy is sold at checkout - we are already worn out, thus less able to resist the urge to buy yet another set of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!

mmmmm - delicious!

Imagine you'd only make 10 decisions every day. Now you have 10 units of energy for every decision, which is a lot more. It allows you to really focus on the pros and cons of what's truly important. As a result, better decisions will most likely be made. 

Therefore, we want to minimize the number of decisions that we have to make every day. 

This is what routines are for. Every decision within a routine is already predetermined. You don't ask: with what part of my teeth should I start brushing? You also shouldn't ask: what should I have for breakfast? Eliminating those questions allows us to focus on the most important objective of our lives - doing the right things. This is also known as being effective. 

Effectiveness

"Success does not lead to happiness. Happiness leads to success." - Ryan Holiday

What is the right thing? This question one can only answer one self. For me, the right thing is to be happy (which I've also written a post on). I've noticed in my life that if I'm happy with the things that I'm doing, I also tend to be very good - or successful - at them. However, in order to be happy, a few very basic needs have to be fulfilled that I have broken down into three aspects:
- A healthy body
- A focused mind
- Inspiration

Health comes first - physically and mentally. Countless surveys have determined this, and I've also done some qualitative research with both my grandmas. They both agree that the thing they're happiest about is their health - and that's also what's most important to them. Sadly, I have not embraced this lesson fully yet, as I constantly try to push my body to its limits, whether if it is athletics, sleep, or alcohol consumption. However, I try to minimize the damage by employing habits that are good for me - more on this later. 

A focused mind is also essential. When a million of thoughts are swirling through your head, chances are that you won't be able to think clearly. There is a reason why nearly all people that I would consider successful meditate. Until one or two years ago, I thought meditation was this esoteric thing that only "enlightened" people do - the guys who don't have a job and purely live in their spirits. Then a friend (who I consider to be very driven and rational) came up to me and told me to give it a shot. I did, and the results were amazing - so good that I decided to integrate it into my very own morning routine, which is presented in a subsequent section.

Inspiration encompasses all things that give you new ideas, new approaches, new ways of thinking. Reading this post hopefully also falls into this category. To me it is essential to read and conversate with people that I enjoy being with every single day. Those two activities are what sparks my imagination, gives me motivation and in the end makes me happy. Always be on the move, always try new things. Even if you just learn one tiny thing every day, in the long run, it will accumulate to a quite significant amount of knowledge eventually.

The routine I am about to present was not just put into place one day - it slowly evolved from adding and removing certain elements, trying out variations and constantly tweaking every part of it. 

So what is it? Here we go!

My Morning Routine

TL;DR:

0) Alarm goes off between 6:30 am and 7 am. No snoozing allowed.
1) Make bed.
2) Pee.
3) Sit down and fill out morning portion of the 5-Minute-Journal. Write down any thoughts that are on my mind. 
4) Start listening to audiobook or podcast.
5) Chug glass of (ice) water.
6) Start cooking a omelette with tuna and spinach.
7) Wash dishes while omelette is cooking.
8) Prepare fruit and tea.
9) Eat breakfast (still listening to audiobook).
10) 5 minutes of evercise. 
11) Brush teeth.
12) Shower.
13) Put on clothes.
14) Meditate.
15) Start the day! 

Analysis

0) I'd much rather get up even earlier, but a healthy body needs its sleep and I'm not getting enough of it anyway. I don't have an explicit minute on which I wake up, as I'm using the app "Sleep for Android", which wakes you up once you are in a certain time window and in a phase of light sleep. This makes waking up a lot more comfortable. Also note the "no snoozing allowed": I've made the experience that snoozing implicitly suggests that you are not looking forward to the day, thus rendering it a bad day before it even started. Every day is a great day! Do you remember the excitement of waking up on your birthday? All those presents waiting for you? Man, was I excited and ready to get up - even before my parents most of the time! It is my goal to recreate this excitement every day. Of course, that does not always work properly - but listening to Eric Thomas' "T.G.I.M." (Thank God It's Monday) series usually gets me up to speed. 

Note: I can highly recommend listening to motivational songs, speeches, and videos. Eric Thomas does the trick for me, appealing to my athletic brain. To get started, check out his most famous video: how bad do you want it?

"A warrior makes his bed every day." - Jocko Willink, former Navy Seal and Chief of Navy Seal Training

1) I am no soldier, but making your bed every day has great implications. Essentially, making your bed is a project in itself. It only takes 27 seconds, but it is the first thing you've achieved that day. No matter how bad your day will be - by the end of it, you will walk into your room and be reminded that you at least achieved one thing that day! It also just feels great to lie down in a made bed - no one can argue with that.

2) Can be messy at times. I'll spare you the details.

3) The 5-Minute-Journal is a journal in which you write down three things that you are thankful for and three things that would make this day a great day every morning. Keep in mind that happiness leads to success - so if you remind yourself every day what you are grateful for, happiness is inevitable. It is also a great method to put the focus on things that you want to get done today. By knowing this before the day actually has started, I at least am a lot more focused. This is a habit that I am trying to adopt for said reasons, but have not fully integrated yet.

4) The probably most important part of my morning. As I am running on a routine, I do not need to focus on the things that I am doing. That happens automatically. Thus, I can get my "reading" for every day in. The great Chinese general Cao Cao made a habit of reading every day more than 2000 years ago, and so did successful people before and after him to this day. 
I usually listen to audiobooks from the genres self-improvement, philosophy, business, psychology and the likes or to podcasts about similar topics. To get started with audiobooks, check out "The Obstacle Is The Way" by Ryan Holiday or "Bold" by Peter H. Diamandis. For podcasts, definitely check out "The Tim Ferriss Show", where the host (and my favorite author) interviews successful people and breaks down why they are so successful. Many of the elements in this list are from those interviews. My favorite episodes so far were the ones with Jamie Foxx, General Stanley McChrystal and Scott Adams. If you're more into history, "Hardcore History" by Dan Carlin is the way to go - I especially encourage you to check out his episodes on the mongols of the 1200's: "Wrath of the Khans". 
I get most of my inspiration from this activity. It is perfect as you can do two things at the same time without really sacrificing any attention. Very efficient - and that makes the German inside of me happy. 

5) During sleep, the body dehydrates. In order to function properly, this water needs to be replenished. To add a little spice and to get the blood flow going, try ice water. That might be painful at first, but it definitely gets the job done!

6) Oh, the omelette. My favorite. As of today, I have been eating this omelette for 21 months straight and found the perfect version for me. While you don't have to eat it, here are a two reasons why it makes sense: in order to burn fat, it is advantageous to eat a healthy portion of protein within 30 minutes to 1 hour of waking up. Protein also helps with muscle growth, and is the perfect breakfast for someone who tries to avoid as many carbohydrates as possible. This is what eggs and tuna are for. Spinach is a powerful vegetable that provides a great deal of essential minerals and vitamins. The exact recipe can be found in a future post - stay tuned! If that's not your style, that's okay - but try adding some protein to your breakfast while eliminating some carbs! 

7) There are some things that just have to be done in a household. While washing dishes is not necessarily one of them, it is easier than repairing our dishwasher - something that nobody living in my shared apartment has achieved in four years. Keeps the kitchen tidy and the flatmates happy. Also perfect for listening to something else. 

8) To go with my omelette, I will always have some fruit (usually grapefruit with a bit of brown sugar or orange) and green tea with a dash of lemon juice. I don't handle coffee that well, so green tea provides a good alternative and apparently also is incredibly good for you. Same is true for fruit - besides the taste, it is a great source of vitamin C and antioxidants in an effort to keep my frail body healthy. 

9) Yes, I use a fork and a knife. Also a great activity for listening on the side. 

10) The majority of my training takes part during other times of the day (although I've started working out in the mornings more and more, which makes this part obsolete). As an active Lacrosse player, it is essential to keep my body in shape - but it does more than that. 5 minutes of working out can work wonders and get the bloodflow going - energizing you for the rest of the day. I usually do a selection of push-ups (10-50), planks (1-3 minutes) and air squats (25-100). If you find it hard to get started, simply get into the habit of doing one push-up right before you shower. They'll become more and more over time! 

11) I have no idea how I brush my teeth. Probably an activity where I should switch on my mind every once in a while.

12) Same is true for showering. I have plenty of good ideas in the shower though, because the audiobook is turned off after step 9. Gives me room to think. I usually shower warm, then turn to ice cold for the last 30 seconds. Highly refreshing and good for getting yourself back to reality. Takes some discipline to do though. According to Tim Ferriss and the "Iceman" Wim Hof, taking ice baths and ice showers are incredibly good for your body - but I cannot handle more than 30 seconds yet. 

13) Coming back to decision energy - I try to prepare my outfit before I go to bed. Thus, I do not have to face this excruciating challenge in the morning. And no, I do not only have one outfit. On the contrary, I do enjoy shopping for clothes - and that does not make the decision easier. 

14) As mentioned before, I picked up the habit of meditating not so long ago. It helps me clear my mind for the day ahead. I use the application Headspeace (link), which is perfect for beginners like me. They have a free 10-day program that takes around 10 minutes every day, and it's wonderful. I still only meditate for roughly 10 minutes, which seems to be enough for me. Meditation also supposedly has health advantages, although I have not noticed any yet. 

15) And go! Let's rock this day! 

And that's it. Just kidding - that's a ton of activities, built over the range of about two years. If you look closely, you see a pattern here - most of the activities relate to one of three prerequisites for effectiveness: 0, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10 and 11 have the purpose of maintaining a healthy body; 13 and 14 keep my mind sane; 3 and 4 provide the much needed inspiration. This leaves 1, 2, 7 and 12 - but there are some things that simply have to be done. And it's a lot nicer to come home at night without having to worry about dishes. 

Your Morning Routine

I am sure you already have a morning routine in place that works for you. Very good! But maybe, just maybe, there is room for improvement, which is why I wrote this post. My routine is by no means perfect, but it works well for me - and what works well for me, might also work well for you! If there is one aspect that you particularly like, try integrating it. If you have something in your routine that is missing in mine - I am keen to know! 

Keep in mind that it takes 21 days to build a habit - more for some, less for others. If you manage to do the same thing for 21 days straight, it will become an integral part of your day. In the end, the goal is to make you effective and therefore happy! That's what matters - not torturing yourself in order to become an optimized self (like I do at times). Use routines to your advantage, but don't let them dictate your life. Break them every once in a while. 

I would like to close with a tribute to my father, the most routine-driven person that I know. I used to smile about the times when he'd get incredibly angry because there was no coffee with foamed milk in the morning. And I used to wonder how he manages to get up at 6am every day, focus on his work all day and still be balanced. Looking back, I should have adapted routines sooner - like he did. He's been my idol when it comes to routines, both in a good and bad way: I've also noticed that I get caught up in my routines very quickly, which causes me to be highly inflexible. This is what I want to work on - breaking the habit (sounds familiar? Linkin Park wrote a song about it.). 

I'd be very interested to hear about your routines, your thoughts and the aspects that you would like to integrate into your life. It doesn't matter if it's via Mail, Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter or whatnot - just do me one favor: don't be like Rebecca Black and include it in a song. Thank you!